Hello, welcome to the album, Who am I? Who am I? What’s my story? I can’t lie I don’t know where to begin, A question so deep I might die if I can’t learn to swim, Who am I? Who am I” My therapist doesn’t even try, To dive that deep in, So let’s start the ball rolling, And see where this ink begins, I am the Pendrop, Poet at the heart, Music in my atoms, built me up from the start, 20 years as the epitome of the starving artist, Painting beauty upon the canvas , life into the art, When I was growing up my parents could barely keep me fed, now I feel like lady capitalism still wants me dead, Here I am, arms out like a begger for some bread, Hoping some lyrics can translate the voices in my head, I’m seeing patterns play in my mind every night, I hope my music proves them wrong with some glory in the hindsight, I hear a voice telling me no one cares what I write I’m still plugging away at the keys, trying to bring the music to life, I’ve only just begun and I’m too far gone, Shot from a cannon meeting doubters head on, So let me let me introduce myself at the drop, I’m the Pendrop and I cannot, will not not stop, Pendrop It’s every fucked up thing that left me scarred, Pendrop Its every night crushed under these falling stars, Pendrop Its every time i chose a pen for these battles in my mind Pendrop It’s everything cheering me on this uphill climb Pendrop is the oncoming battles that I can’t predict, Pendrop is the way I choose to speak my mind in song rather than be a massive dick, Pendrop is the uncensored ramblings of a mind held together by a shoestring, Pendrop is everything inside of me and only a song to sing, I was raised with all the good graces a southern Baptist can give, Taught to love one another as myself, but never to suffer a witch to live, Told Everyone is equal but homosexuality is the greatest sin, I was told that god is love, so no one can truly love without Jesus within, I was taught that logic denying, contradictory Holy word, Until you could taste it in my breath, No wonder once I shook the weight, I gathered my shit and left, It wasn’t like I didn’t see the writing on the walls, I was the last one to leave after we watched my father’s mask fall, I guess I was never shown how to voice my rage, Never felt like I could give this doubt a name, My dad is good at never expressing what is really going on in his head, The Simmons curse is a virus that family and scripture fed, I’ve let it share my stage too many times before, So I’m putting these feelings to rest and closing that door, Pendrop is every fucked up thing that left me scarred, Pendrop is every night feeling crushed under these falling stars, Pendrop is every time I chose a pen over a knife to battle the demons in my head, Pendrop is the thing that let me shake off the night and get the fuck of bed, Pendrop is the oncoming battles that I can’t predict, Pendrop is the way I choose to speak my mind in song rather than be a massive sick, Pendrop is the uncensored ramblings of a mind held together by loose string, Pendrop is giving everything in me til I’m only a song to sing, I am an emo kid trying to crack jokes at my expense, An expansive list of disorders, symptoms, and nights wishing I didn’t exist, I’m a spiritual contradiction, atheist wishing Christians were really like Christ, A god hating, church missing, Satanist sympathizer metal head feeling sliced and diced, Split in two, a church kid and a punk hoping one day this conflict is my least defining feature, A creature of habit, a four chord fiasco, trying to act all cool reading Faust beneath the bleachers I’m nearly 30 years of unchecked depression and self medicated anxiety, A product of a mishandled youth and inconsistent dieting, I give you this non-binary, Demi-male Poet, loosely stitched together with small victories and untold regrets, Plucking at guitar strings, attacking the keys, hiding my soul in the ivories and the frets, I can’t lie, the Pendrop is a mask, But it’s makeup on my true face, I’m putting my past on trial, I’ve given them enough grace, Hoping they’d grow up strong, But the image was fragile, And the cracks, they’ve begun to show, Hidden so deep, even I didn't know, Something new was breathing out in my art and songs, The blood in the Pendrop was theirs all along, Now they hold the pen, they’ve outgrown that frame, They’ve opened the box, reformed my name,, Unlocked the cage where I hid all my childhood shame, Whether Holy or a sin, they’re me all the same, And that stranger in the mirror held all my colors deep within, That person wrote Pendrop in my skin, Unleashed the beauty, Refilled the pen,

Find me in the deepest forests battling demons and dragons, sword in hand, I’m chasing after something strong enough to take me from Missouri to the glory land, I have enough of the poverty dance to hold me over for a lifetime, The life of mine is better spent in Mordor against the orcs than using Jesus as a lifeline I’d rather have a GameCube controller than a redlined checkbook, Rather be in newgrounds than trying to keep up with friends on the facebook, I’ll dive in to the leather bound paper and ink with an unashamed grin, Rather than face any of the bullshit life has been trying to pull me in, ‘Scuse me, I hear Avalanche calling, I’ll run to the fantasy while the sky keeps falling, I want to get lost in the fiction, let the disc spin; I want to get pulled in; I want to get lost, Dissolve into the ink, No matter the cost, I want to sink, Down, Down, Let my dreams be hallowed ground, I’ll dive deep into the fiction, spend my time with Neil and pratchett, I’ll stay deep into the dreaming, face the forests with sword and hatchet, Cause I left my burdens on Terra to join John carter on Mars, Never saw much in the daily grind when there’s futures in the stars, I identify with Hawkins joining Silver to sail for gold, you can only dream of what secrets the skies might hold, Fuck the risks, I’ll take to the dark with a stone and a shiv, To carve out my own path and take whatever the fates might give, Why must I be content with 9-5s only dreaming of the neon lights, Can’t I find myself in Night City where the all grind is in the hindsight? Can I escape to somewhere where my anxiety is nothing more than a bad dream? Somewhere where I can see dragons flying high over the infinite seas, I want to get lost in the text, see magic in my mind, Where death and taxes are voluntary and all my fear is left behind, Where I can trust no one will care about who I am or how I look, Why is peace and joy only found in my story books,

Wipe the sleep From your eyes It’s like You’ve been sleeping for years You sleep Under a blanket of lies It’s time to wake up And dry your tears You live in a world of dreams Where all is bright And nothings wrong You made this to escape the screams Of the hopeless broken and alone Wake up Oh sleeper Wake up Oh sleeper Your time has come One step, and you’re too far gone, Dropped from the sky and your on your own, Better learn to fly, or learn to wake, Cause you’re Petty free, lost the grace, Sandman lookin to take you back, Cause you’re racing down 66 in a Pontiac, You better wake up and face the sun, Got to open your eyes if you wanna be someone, Hindsight’s 2020, could be worse but we’re losing plenty, Choking on fumes from a world in flames, Got to seize the day if their gonna know our names, You let the news run you down, Til you found your place far underground, But a crowds making tracks on broken streets, Better put on your soul to concrete, Wake up Oh sleeper Wake up Oh sleeper Your time has come One step, You’re in the deep No ground below and you begin to sink You’re reaching towards what looks like home, But your in over your head and you’re all alone Hope you took some time to learn to swim cause you chased this conspiracy too deep in, And your pushing away any source of hope You Grabbed a stone in hopes to float Hindsight’s 2020, Every days a new worst beginning, I’m far too tired to care to look now, But I hear the crowd and it’s looking bleak now, I took a scroll and I begin to sink And I’m far to fucked by the news to think, Who knew red and blue would be life or death But it’s looking like we got to wake up to what’s next Call the shrink, I’m writing on walls my pens run dry and I hear the call Off a tired mass to pissed to cry Too gone to sit, too strong to die, Marching to the drums of war, Cause you wouldn’t listen the times before, No justice no peace, You hear it from the streets, I’ll say it in every rhyme I write, Cause I hear it when I go to sleep at night No justice, no peace, You don’t get to sleep, Cause the fist is raised, The calls been made, Wake up to the sound of the broken and dismayed,

There’s a gap in the memory, In the shape of you, All the time we spent together, My living muse, Is now a blur in shadow, A faded dream, And I don't even remember, what you meant to me. What are you supposed to say when you lose someone you didn't have a chance to get to know? All those memories you never gained, All the stories never told, It’s like a movie that ends too soon, With story paths never closed, And the questions left unanswered, Will Haunt you on the road home, A star blinks out leaving the sky a little dim, And the rest of the night never remembers them, But you see that empty plot on the canvas of black And know the picture will not feel complete without that star back, Every now and then, I think to call but know they won’t answer, I see their face in my contact list with a tired smile betraying the cancer, It’s been a few years now, the name feels foreign on my tongue But the memories spring forth like a geyser and the pain feels too young, Was it years ago, Was it yesterday, When I last saw The smile on your face, When you last took up This empty space, When I last saw The smile on your face

Excuse me while I stitch together Something human, A image of a well adjusted man Watch me as I put the thread through this image, Let me sew a smile on this skin, With this new face without a trace of honesty Without a trace of who I used to be, And I save face, Within this travesty, Hidden in a place you won't see Excuse me sir, could I tell you how I've been, Fine but for the screaming in this skin And it's been said That the grass is greener where its new On the television with the morning new I'm good but angry I'm alright but cant stop thinking You can see this mask start to tear I'll be fine I'll keep on grinning As this world keeps on spinning And I'll not lay this truth to bar My new face seems a bit unhinged, I want to save face, but I keep pulling at these threads I've play it safe, Not shoot off at the hip, But I cant keep the snarl from pulling at these lips, I cant keep from chomping at the bit, I'm good but angry I'm alright but cant stop thinking You can see this mask start to tear I'll be fine I'll keep on grinning And never let you see what I've laid bare I'm supposed to be stoic and unchanged But behind the mask I find I'm quite deranged, I built these chains that hold back the monster of my rage, But as I feel this body age The restraints degrade, I'm good but angry I'm alright but cant stop thinking You can see this mask start to tear I'll be fine I'll keep on grinning As this world keeps on spinning And I'll not lay this truth to bare I'm sorry if I seem scared

Jesus was a friend of mine, We played when we were young Under a wooden cross, with a smiling face words were fire on the tongue I remember a man screaming his words from a pulpit on the stage And a band in tears singing love As if the words were written for this age It was a community of faith, Hands reaching for the sky, With a blind devotion and open arms, It was so beautiful you could cry, In the chaos I missed the moment when that holy love died, But in the silence I found the body at a height I couldn’t climb, Sell me my heart back, Let me invest in this faith Hope looks so much better in this golden case This looks so gorgeous from afar when you see the gleam, not the scars When you can’t see the seams falling apart From the shine of their shoes you’d think they have something to prove From how every song the band plays makes the people want to move And how when you see the shine of their smile matching the glare in their eyes Every white washed word disguising every bold faced lie I’m sure it was easy to justify leaving the drowning to die I was so gullible, just needing a friend, I couldn't see the seams coming apart at the ends I only wanted to connect to something bigger than me, I only wanted to sing a song I didnt want to fall into the sea, I didnt expect to watch god die from my humble abode A stones throw from the streets I used to roam, His funeral was held when I forgot how to care About something that seemed like it was never really there

Take a piece of me and Use it to make you feel alright I’m just a mannequin happy to be here in the light, There’s just one thing to do, To be here and dance with you, I’ll dangle on my string, To know you here with me You found me Beat to hell with a smile on my face Scratch the paint, Dent the door I’m a child left to fate, I’m a puppet on a string Made rubbish when you’re through, You brought me in, made me new, I enjoy being used, Pull my strings, Make me dance, I'm A puppet on the screen, Or pull the threads, I fall apart, I’m frayed at the seams, I’m building blocks left scattered, But you can put me back together I crumble, you pick me up You make me feel alive E A F G I feel myself coming apart at the seams, Bit by bit, the cloth becomes tattered And i lose pieces to this scene But you are an artist when you get this outfit that’s frayed You pick apart the pieces and put a pattern to this clay, I’m not the most put together, I’m barely functional most days, Factually I’m scattered, my faculties are splattered on a canvas that’s melting away, I can only promise that I’ll give what you’ll take, Broken pieces of a person who loves unconditionally always, I’m a mess I’ll confess, It’s not news to you but I digress, I’m slipping deeper and deeper into something that looks less like progress, You’ll find me in the corner filled with self doubt and unrest, I can only hope you’ll give this Pendrop poet a break, And forgive all my transgressions for my sanity’s sake, I’ll concede, you have a knack for putting me back together when I crack I never know how you taper me with gold, and let me smile when I look back, I always thought my past would only fill me with dread, But you gave me back my pieces welded together with lead, So I’ll meet you at the boundary between your life and mine, And greet you with a smile that you showed me how to shine,

I am but a lie solidified By this distorted sense of self Like an unopened book Collecting dust on the shelf I never want to see The scars upon my skin So I hide everything I am under this plastic grin Trust me There’s nothing there within So I say So I sing So I act like I’m nothing But I don't even know Do I even want to know You see a smile You see a grin But do you see what’s within Would you tell if you did Would you show me what I hid Wish I could tell you who I was Before the act became the cause Like gold upon the claws I’m sure he was someone worth your time I make compromises with my past Showed a facade that couldn’t last Told more tales than there were facts More tears than there were laughs And like the closing of a book, You gave me one last look And walked to where i couldn’t go You never look back I can only let go So let me say Let me sing One more tale that I can bring That I can see beyond the mask To a man that could make you laugh Leaves all the lying in the past Can you see behind the mask upon my face To the scars that I can't fake To a heart you could take Would you tell if you did Would you show me what I hid Wish i could tell you who I was Before the act became the cause Like gold upon my claws Cause I’m sure he was worth your time I’m sure he was worth more than these lies So I say So I sing So I act like I’m nothing But I don't even know I don’t even want to know You see a smile You see a grin But do you see what’s within Would you tell me if you did

I'm staring at ceilings, These pills are for naught For what feels like lifetimes, I'm lost in these thoughts, No one ever told me about the nights staring at street lights, staring at street lights, Does anyone else hear this ringing at night, While your mind recounts every stupid thing you said, Does anybody else hear a voice just wishing you dead, Or is it just this screaming in my head, Just this sickness while they are sleeping like the dead, I would rather be dreaming, I’d rather be dreaming I can almost hear the tick tock talk of this dimly lit digital clock, As I watch my cats stalk candy wrappers in the dark, At least my forced night watch isn’t dull, As I watch the night fall, I fail to heed the nights last call, And Every led on my devices providing stage lighting for their vices, I watch their moonlit forays with weightless eyelids, Let me ramble some nonsense to the void, i’m just recounting my day to sigmund freud, I hope for a dreamless sleep, So then I can finally found myself in the deep, I’m just an insomniac trying to keep up the act, Trying to leap from this cliff and fall asleep I’ve got my pills to send me out, But it’s no peaceful time I dream about, Cause when my body gives up the ghost, My mind is pulling nightmares to host, I see demons when I close my eyes, Like a dam’s burst when my sleep is realized, And all at once I have to combat these thoughts, To try and get some rest the one time the sandman’s been caught I got a carton full of meds to put me to sleep, A series of movements to pull me into the deep, And I’m still figuring out how to weigh down these eyes, I realize, that I’m never going to realize a night ful of peace, It’s a slow burn insanity, cup full of depravity; no Zen in the REM, no satisfaction in my dormancy But insomnia is my gimmick, the Pendrop can’t rest Or the ink will dry I’ll tell myself this lie as I fight to close my eyes, Morpheus is has forgotten my bed, he might as well be dead, I’m wide eyed staring at my reflection in the window by my bed, Sandman must be busy, I’m calling the Endless to get him here, But Dream is in the Fiddler’s Green, and I’m in Milwaukee gripped in fear, I’m sorry for keeping you here, Buried under my deranged fears, I’m just an insomniac trying to keep up the act Until I see if dream does appear, I’ll just keep the lyrics steeped in truth And maybe tonight I’ll dream of you

When I found you I felt like I found my home In your eyes, I felt a peace I had never known Everything felt right and true I felt like I could fall for you If only that were true There’s and empty spot inside of my head And an empty spot beside me in my bed This place still smells like you There’s this ghost in view There’s a ghost of you I never wanted to be alone I just want to feel at home But as this night comes to a close I’m alone I’m alone I’ve always had an itchy trigger finger shooting for stability where there’s not, In damaged people looking for love, making me feel like it’s all for naught, Five years gone and I’m still singing the same old refrain, My life has changed, love remains, but my doubts are the same Funny how time can make it all seem clear, Like I turned down the lights to make stars appear, I came back to the song where I laid it all out, Cause you’ve been gone for years and there are no more doubts, Only a decade old song context lost no longer waiting for water from an empty vase, I’ll sing it all out like I felt years before I’ll let this bridge remind me to Keep moving forward It’s buried in verses trying to keep my old monsters out, I’ll leave them in the past, and stop looking at the drought, Pay no mind to the ghosts, I’m gone with the wind, and I’m older, greyer, none the wiser, no more playing games to win, What did I say that made you want to leave I thought it’d be forever you and me But the words were said and you left Took my heart and left a hole in my chest A wounded love just like the rest There was a time I dreamt like I could fly I jumped from the ground and fell into the sky Gravity could not hold me But it was only me The loneliest hero you have ever seen I never wanted to be alone I just want to feel at home But as this night comes to a close I’m alone I’m alone

I hear it in my head A desire to bring them to my bed And I Know it isn’t right But I can’t keep it in tonight They tell me it’s a sin To feel the urge and let it in But I Can’t lie I want to sin tonight I Breathe it in, The temptation smells so sweet, God knows, My lies lust and bitter greed, There’s corruption in this skin And you Breathe it in, the monster, This hidden sin I’m giving up this faith, Cause it’s only gilded chains Tying to An anchor on my soul, And I need to be free Breathe free and finally, break free religion’s hold If it’s damnation for me, I’ll embrace this damnation gladly I’ll dive headfirst into hell fire And drink deep of all things depraved and dire, Until there is nothing left of me Neither The pastor's kid nor This holy scourge upon my skin, Cause I’m done bowing down at the alter, I’m done lying prostrate before the holy father, I’m done hating myself an my inner unholy desires I’m ready to live, and I’m not going to hold back my voice will not dissolve into the choir, I can’t keep heeding some holy beacon, Some holy conviction pleading guilty without reason, I’m not beholden to this fleeting deity that’s long been dead I’m only accountable to the voices inside my own head, So call me Saul of Tarsus for leaving Paul in the past I’ll leave my old identity on the funeral pyre and let the pastor kid can turn to ash, Cause I’m holding my own esteem higher than my old biblical pursuit, Cause I’d rather be a punk in rags than a hypocrite in a suit, Cause if this is wrong I don’t want to be right I’ll be on the left with the so called self indulgent bring injustices to light I guess the temptor got me while I was in the desert on the search for bread, This non-binary Bible denier with dreams of self fulfillment in their head, Dreams of not wishing they were dead while trying to appease some bearded misogynist Dreams of being free of these hyper Christians afraid of anyone who looks even slightly androgynous, I’m done playing house with the almighty Im done pressing my head to the floor, Ive cursed his name almost nightly, So leave your thoughts and prayers at the door,

Here we are, we’re the outcasts Here we are, we’re the outcasts Do you know Who we are Do you know Who we are We’re the outcasts of the world We dwell in corners Beyond the borders Like broken forgotten toys We live alone together forever The unaccepted girls and boys Cast us away and we find each other In the darkened corners where the broken lie We are united by the scars you gave us, United by the past we are strengthened by Here we are, we’re the outcasts Here we are, we’re the outcasts Do you know Who we are Do you know Who we are We’re the outcasts of the world I was raised by a tatted up baptist preacher A right wing Christian singing gospel from the bleachers, As a child I was hesitant to question scripture by my dad, But now I’ve seen the cracks, so I’m ready to break bad, To stand out I simply just continue to not fit in, In the game of life, I don’t even play to win, So I'm the rebel now, only just 15 years too late, So here with this lame ass rebellion is when I’ll embrace the hate I'm itching for a cause to believe in But I'm running in circles with no war to win, Parroting quotes from Facebook like scripture from the church, Waiting for someone more devoted to knock me off the perch We found our homes When you left us alone The beaten and the abused the world turned us away But We found our place With the outcasts and the used We will never regret the past we left We will never forget you Cause when were lost We found our home The furthest we can get from you Here we are, we’re the outcasts Here we are, we’re the outcasts Do you know Who we are Do you know Who we are We’re the outcasts of the world Here's to my lameass rebellion, I'm a indie rock, atheistic, Well behaved hellion, I'm enby, Straight appearing, outspoken liberal, A antiSocial networking, bisexual Millennial, I’m a hard working Full time, Middle class American, And i’ve be a lower class Homeless unseen republican And now here I am Trying to be a hardass rebel? Fuck it man take it down a level I'm one of those lame ass rebels who wants to get political, But mainly because at the bottom I have nothing left to lose, So let's get crazy, throw in some references to the bible belt and curse the hypocritical, Knowing full well that those that listen would agree my risk is a ruse, The most illegal thing I've done Is download an illegal copy of the music program used for this song, And once I inhaled marijuana from a bong, And even that isn't going to be illegal for long, Honestly i don't know why i'm bragging about all of this, There is an itch of desire to stand for something. It's an experience sorely missed, I’m hoping for something I can scream from rooftops with abandon, I’m hoping to get cussed out by the alt-right and stay standing, I’ve only got my pen as a weapon, I hope no one starts swinging fists, I’d rather have a shape tongue than swords, Call me spineless if you wish, But this lame ass rebel with his quirky songs is a poet first, And when the pen drops, I can damn well win a war of words,

They’re sitting on a corner giving talent for cheap, Like a corner preacher with a penchant for the sound of the street, A upturned hat signals the need for change, So they can don budget value at the end of the day A starving artist upon a milk carton stage This corner store pop star singing the day away, Playing for cigarettes and pocket change, Have you seen a more beautiful display No slave to the contract, just a bard of the streets, Sings songs to the people in the city of beats, Playing homebrew ballads like they’re written by Christ, No one else knows the words, but you hear them at night, Singing Oooh oh oh oh It’s a long way down They’re taking the hard road laden with this difficult truth, You gotta bleed a bit of dignity to see a mountain top view, gotta hit rock bottom with the world looking at you, Cause the art never shines without some grime in the hue, So hands up, shoulders back, Prep for the next attack, Cause every step into the limelight, They’re going to try and push back, Take the path one step at a time, You’ll feel at a loss of words, But you’ll remember the lines, Ooooh oh oh It’s a long way down And I hooooope I will find the grounds But ooh oh oh It’s a long way down

Is this what I’m living for? The applause, The head nods And ignored flaws, Marketing my life As perfect in your eyes, I’ve sold you lies, It’s the only way you’ll notice me, Dishonest marketing, Painted on perfection, Practically profane, Putting pride upon the package, Putting shine upon the stains, I’ve told you lies, I’ve sold you metaphors Sold you sorrow to make you stay, Make you listen a little longer to the verses and what they say, But fuck the masks and half assed acts of confidence, lacking any anything near common sense, I just want you ears, I just want someone to hear, But I’m done screaming to the void, My throat is sore and I haven’t slept for days, I threw cash at the problem in hopes something would change, It stayed the same, I’m still the same boy singing so his dad would be proud, But I’m under blankets in the studio and the musics way to loud, I hope your proud, But I’m just too old to care now I’m just a child playing with his dads things, He’s still a ghost in the corner of the board room, And I’m still hoping he knows what I mean, But he’s not listening, He would have cut the chord by now, But I still hear his four chords in the background, And I’m still screaming to drown them out Chorus: Em C G D I’m never going to be the one, Singing on your stage, I’m never going to be the son Proving his father's name, I’m never going to stand, Where you stood before, Your footprints are not my path, I’m walking on my god-damned shore, Despite what I once told you, I really care what others have to say, About my lyrics and music and how I wrote night and day, That’s a lie, I often lose the drive to put the pen to paper, I compromise with reused beats And old lyrics I put aside for later, Like a copy printer outputting the same four chords like clockwork, And I sit back a half assed backing track is all I have to show for this lack of work, But Perhaps I’m being too hard on myself, These lyrics are all mine, But I still hear that same voice from time to time, They Let me know how much they did and how little they accomplished, And how I’ll end up a dead beat just like them, And do you know what the worst part is, I’m still paying the cost for all the scars, They are the only things they gave me, And despite the pain inside my brain I still ache for them to show some bravery, I should burn the bridge when I cross it Set fire to my past, Ignite the path that causes me pain, And finally cross to a better act, A future without the crap,, Trash the habits that anchor me in, And scrap the memories that made me give a damn life of sin, I’m moving forward, Notebook in tow, Writing down lessons learned, Making therapy in the notes, If my footprints lay sacrilege in my life, I’ll leave it as it lies, There will be no prayers tonight,

She was standing there in the silence, A window to the one I thought I knew, And there was nothing left in the madness, I wrecked the life I thought that I’d pursue I can count on my fingers the doubts that I had, I could swear nothing would destroy what we could create, But like a hammer from god, a weight fell and crumbled the pillars at our feet, And I could only watch it fall and I can only fall and weep, Breathe, Pendrop, breathe, it’s all that I can do, I feel like life has left me beaten black and blue, And I’m staring at my muse, cutting daggers left me skewed, I’m in the studio illuminated by this lonely electric hue, Frustration is showing in these tired hooded eyes fumbling for words to add color to my disguise, I have to stay strong but I’m narey an inch from collapse, And there’s no artistic release left to keep me from my relapse, I hear a death knell tolling for the artist reaching for the bar,, But I only stand up, dust off the cobwebs from this guitar, And trust that the strings will lead me to the song, Cause life can’t keep the Pendrop Poet buried for long, I’m scratching at the lid with a spoon and a shiv, I can feel this artist’s coffin is starting to give, And soon I will reach out and finally leave the grave, I am ready to stand up, shout out, and make them know my name She is standing there in the silence Shutting the window, She’s opening the door, Saying it’s not good to sit here in the sadness, There’s a light that I can see That wasn’t there before,

I feel like i’m out on the edge, I feel on the brink of the deep I’ll have to be clever and cutting, Damn near nefarious with the ink. I have bridges to burn to keep up the heat, Lighting fires with every stroke, pens filled with gasoline, And I’ll burn, Burn out with the morning light, I’ll burn Burn out when this pen runs dry, Too far from the river, Too far from the sea, Too far from the tears, You’re crying over me, I’ll burn Burn out but I’ll be fine I feel like a structured scene, But always feel like I’m sewn with chords, I’ve built this worn out machine To churn out stories within these words, The pen is attached to an iv That is connected to my veins, So every line can live apart from me When I go down in flames, And I’ll burn It’s too much too quick Too hot, with too little wick, Too much to handle, Too little too late, I’m a little too fragile, Too deal with this fate, Too close to the precipice, not to leap into this shallow lake, too ready to quit, But I’ve gone too far now, Too much I don’t know, Too curious to not dive down, So scoop up the ashes on the other side, Cause I’m too far now not to try With a fiery quill and general unease, I’m writing away the peace that I need, Scorching the page, carving in stone, I’m giving away all gifts that I own I’ll sacrifice myself to the alter, I lose everything to the page, Set me upon the pyre, And set my soul ablaze, I’ll burn

I was never one for the lights and gleam, I’d rather sit in silence than climb up onto the stage to sing, Far too aware of all my faults, So when my songs are greeted with silence, And I’m left drowning in my thoughts, let me kill off the person before the Drop, (end) Its time the artist killed the light I just wrote this down to say goodbye Let there be nothing but the sound, Nothing but the words, Nothing left of the man trying to add meaning to the verse, nothing but the pulse, beating in your chest, Nothing but the sound, let there be nothing of me left I’m impossibly impatient and incredibly insecure, I'm hoping that the melody hides a cure, I'm tracking footprints that tell a tale Of a person far too brittle to be frail I’m killing the artist for the verse Let’s hope the pen drop breaks the curse How am I supposed to be both honest with you and confident in myself in the same breath, To believe in myself enough to scream my lungs out to the bleachers til theres nothing of me left While never coming off as comfortably conceited and never begging for a minute of your time, I have to somehow believe that I'm worth it, and trust that one day all of this will be mine I've got to be a superhero, but also be a man, Falling at every temptation, but never faltering from the plan, I've got to be bigger than it all but not afraid to fall, I've to be everything for everyone, hero and heroine, cocaine and methamphetamine but all at once i have to be nothing at I'm keying my name into the hearse So I'm killing the artist for the verse I’m keeping company with the ringing in my ears, I’ve been running with these demons for the majority of my years I’m hoping the people forget my name, So this time my music can take the stage So as I type out my anger on the page I’m leaving my music on the stage