1. |
Mimic
04:36
|
|||
You should be proud of me,
Thirty years of perfect mimickry,
You fully believed I was human
Perfected identity,
You never even knew the real me
You never even cared to ask,
So I'll keep on pretending
Perfection in obscurity,
Hidden behind my mask
And it's funny to me now
That my righteousness was all show,
And it protected me from questions
I was too scared to ask,
It protected me from Truths I felt too broken to know,
So I'll take to the stage and bow,
Scream out "look at me now"
I hold my mask in two hands,
I need not make no demands
I knew all you secrets,
I know all you games
My secret weapon Is attention to detail,
And I know all your crimes and tall tales
And you didn't even know my name,
So no need for me to take blame
No need for me to feel shame
I'll keep my cards close,
My lover closer,
And never show what's in my head,
I'll be closing up,
I'll be telling falsehoods,
Keep my demons warm and fed
I hope you remember me
As a mess of eccentricities
Barely held together by these chords,
Done paying a price I can't afford
I'm keeping my Masks locked tight,
They're keeping me up at night,
But I know the ticket to my survival
Cause I never learned a trick more vital
I can't afford to show my skin anymore
I won't show my sin anymore,
Cause there's nothing more destructive than my honesty
So I'll practice confidence like it's common sense to hide this side of me,
It's due diligence to perform this like it's all I know
Because all I learned by growing up is how to put on a show
|
||||
2. |
LifeLines
06:22
|
|||
I am not a hobbyist,
The chords and keys are not a past-time,
Just sounds to be keeping me,
This is not just for the stress,
When I write these lines,
I separate the truth from the lies,
This is not just entertainment
This is cutting out a key
To a locked box under my bed
In hope to find my sustainment
This is crafting meaning out of words
Until my arraignment
This may be an exercise in futility,
The hours in the mines,
chisling out the fossils left of the rest of me,
This is a reconstruction,
Of a long, tired institution,
That used to find shelter in my mind,
Mind you, I’m not practiced in the art,
A decade long journey only leaves me at the start,
But I wouldn’t be at it this long if it was only for the joy of it,
This is either building a structure to stand the test of time,
Or I will be the one destroying it,
I’ll follow the chords to the end
This sound is my lifeline,
What the keys unlock is what can mend,
This sound is my lifeline,
Don’t let it end,
I didn’t want these lyrics to become lectures,
The buffet of battle cries is bound to grow old
But Speaking truth into silence gives no fire to my soul,
The prose needs a firm hold to grasp
Sputtering purposeless poetry
Leaves no foundation that will last
All who fill their prose with empty words
Are bound to pass,
If music is a forest,
Let my words be an ax,
To cut a path through,
To grow with the poets who last,
I’m threading blast chord into the sound
subtlety was never my strong suit,
This will be rough and unappealing,
Cause I was never one to keep it cute,
As long as those I am trying to speak to
Keep leaving me on mute,
I’ll mark the part of me trying to be seen for deletion,
Save and execute
I'm no carbon copy character
Keeping context out of mass
I'm marking meaning in the meter
Making matter into glass
Growing greatness in the gallons
Getting greener every task
Tell you truth about the timbre
There no tale you just have to ask
I'm pardoned for the project
Prose projected to the back,
Baked and breaking
Bearing bitterness behind the broken mask
Marred by men making manliness in to a moronic act,
Ask my later about the identity I'll be burying in the back
|
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3. |
Dissonance is Proof
04:09
|
|||
Selfish and cutting
Calloused and Blunting
Provider turned to ash
I relish your haunting,
But your malice is daunting,
You left me to take the lash
And I
Wish I meant much to you,
But the dreams are essential,
To show your potential
The dissonant is the proof
And i
Took my leave at noon,
No flourish or flaunting
Your words amount to nothing,
I left in search of truth
you were meant to be there
Father, friend you left me wanting,
supportive when I followed in your footsteps,
But when I stepped aside to find
My own my light,
Your hands turned to fists wielding daggers,
And I wasn't meant to be journeying alone
You still breathe yet I feel
a ghost in your home,
I came to you whole
with body and name,
You wield scripture To shame
warmth gone, love shattered,
|
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4. |
Dollar for Good Graces
03:56
|
|||
Shook the last dollar from the bank,
All dried up, Jesus to thank,
How inspired, this holy task,
Of paying God's bills, you only have to ask
I'm sure omnipotent builds a fine,
God Built up a tab on water and wine,
I got you, lord
you can pay me next time,
Tasked to tithe, pay for grace,
He's a material girl in his material faith,
Pass the pan, fill the hat,
Pay your way, Mind the gap,
It's only a tenth, it's only your bread,
It's only the way you get your grace,
Just put your money where your faith is,
A dollar to good graces,
I'm sure i'll prosper like the pastor,
Preaching humility for the now and here-after,
Showing off new his solid gold stratocaster,
The master of the prosperity chapter,
I'm sure the holes in my shoes are worth his Tesla Model 3,
And the size of my apartment should be a tenth of the size of the sanctuary,
And the homeless that were shooed away,
To make room for the private parking space,
All are God Blessed despite how uncaring it all seems,
Why else would it be on TV
|
||||
5. |
Ignorance is a War Song
02:52
|
|||
We keep Going back and forth from awake and asleep
We teeter on complacency as we rest inside the deep
Disregard can come on like a thief
Steal away our morals while we try to keep our feet,
And we delight in simplicity
and push away any complexity
Anything vexing or contradictory,
We stay relaxed so as to not become perplexingly reactionary,
Cause confusion is the devils play thing,
Or at least that must be what's so terrifying,
Cause we hide from knowledge like it's veracity
Can rip and tear like a slasher movie
And they're not wrong.
Ignorance is bliss, so they say,
And to find yourself where night becomes day,
Will open yourself up to realize not all are OK
And that can be terrifying to display,
The horrors are neon and throw color into the gray,
And you just pull the curtains and find a comfortable corner to stay,
You flip the record, turn up the speakers and let the music play,
Comforting and opaque,
Solitary as you can make,
But the disenfranchised are screaming, pounding at your door,
As you lie under the covers you so adore,
The violence and hate are so clear but you create something more,
A damaging, hope destroying tolerance that leaves us buried under the floor,
And you cry Foul as they fight to be heard,
But the hearts beneath the floorboard are pounding loud enough to hurt,
And no earplugs nor radio can drown out the words,
Despite your ignorance and complacency, we will not be ignored.
|
||||
6. |
Dissatisfaction
05:15
|
|||
Ooh,
The end is coming
It's almost time,
Oh
Brace for impact
The bell tolls for you,
Oh
It's almost time
To say fuck the system
Fuck the system
Oh
Light the matches
let it all burn down
Down
Down
I'm falling in with this strange attraction,
Pulling focus from this dissatisfaction,
Inundated with the corporate message flow,
This collision with no complications,
Open mics for their supplication,
Worship music for the freedom you can not know
It's 1 2 3 with the force of nations,
Blacking out from the realizations,
We're burning up under solar flares galore
So pack light times collapsing,
All night morale lapsing
It's just anti fascist propaganda and we want more,
You know, I know, everything's on fire,
We've been playing dancing on a live wire,
Burn up burn down, kill it if you must
We are the people going from dust to dust,
And I know you know it's a matter of time
Til all the culture will lose its rhyme,
And I'm banking on a return to form,
From working to living where chaos is norm,
And I know we know this life is fucked,
We're still scrounging for gold deep in the muck,
And all the shit getting polished still smells like home
Cause the worth of living is the shit you own
|
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7. |
Communion
04:00
|
|||
I pour myself into a paper cup
I hope that I can finally be enough
Take of me
I give me freely
I pour myself into a paper cup
I open up a vein,
Bite through the pain
This is how I was taught to play this game,
So take from me what you want from me
Consuming me like property,
Truly blood is currency
It doesn’t matter that this is hurting me,
So grab a cup, fill it up,
I'm sure this blood will be enough
To Bleed me out
Without a doubt
I know my worth, it's blood in mouth
I pour myself into a paper cup
How much depends in how deep I cut
Take of me
I give me freely
I pour myself into a paper cup
It's now communion day
The cost is worth the pain,
I'm sure that this is supposed to make you feel this way,
Like your leaking from a spout,
Tip and pour me out
a wound so deep no bandage can heal the pain,
But it's pain to make the art,
To the heart is where we start
Make sure to take the time to clean the blade,
cut me to the quick,
Upper left is where you stick
Press it in with a twist as you make me play
It's all as malicious as a cyst
Performing melancholic hits,
You know how deep the blade can go,
So as you stab me in the back,
perform the art as the act,
Make sure to let me leave you slow
It's all codependent art,
To leave me leaking from the heart
Leave it red upon the fallen snow,
I'll make sure to die upon the stage
Sacrifice is all the rage
It's only harm if you don't put it in the show,
|
||||
8. |
Illuminate
03:30
|
|||
All out attack this goddamned Sunday
Bloody March on the burnout runway
Call it a protest of the poisoned youth
Hollowed them out, Hallelu you righteously depraved,
Show me the truth
You blot out gray,
Call out the noose,
Impermanence displayed,
No violence is new,
It's just shadowed in the day,
It's practically remade,
By the meddling,
It's life or death
And the publicists choose,
And the publicists choose
I hereby name my sin
As blessed
This is no test
I am purposely
Regressed,
And it's all
Scripted in the text,
I am cursed
I am blessed
Hey
How you gonna tell me it's OK,
How you gonna act like
This ain't some bull shit
Day by day,
It's not karmic
We Exterminate,
You have placed
This leaden Weight
Upon my chest
With no plan
To elucidate
You climb inside
This cardiac arrest
Stabbing knives
Inside my flesh
Leaving life
Contrite
Unblessed
Unalive
unsuppressed
Strip this erudite
And Set a light
this hellish test
This unfinished game of chess
Like a weight upon my chest
There's no hope with no protest
Contrasted sides
locked in contest
Common crimes
In constant conflict
You criticize
The poor man's instinct
To humanize
The criminal precinct,
You weaponize
The human condition,
I empathize
With your victims,
Drawn and quartered
For your image
Strong on crime,
Weak on morals,
Death by justice
Death by justice
Death by justice
Hey
How you gonna sleep at night,
How you gonna close your eyes
Don't the sirens keep you awake
At night
This Blinding light
Illuminate
|
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9. |
||||
Being honest or being isolating depends on who you are,
Reception tends to alter if you happen to be a star
If you admit your mental troubles and you don't seem to trend,
It's just concerning, not enlightening, when you go round the bend,
You're relatable if you package it right,
They'll worship you and lavish you with gifts for the fight
But if you don't have the numbers, and stutter with what you say
When you let down your defenses and alienating and depraved,
I mean, honestly, look at those we forgive,
The Kardashians and Osbornes with all the slack we can give,
But when our neighbor has a struggle, we can't seem to spare the buck,
We spent it on another famous rich dumb fuck,
It's like the icons took all our focus, we can see those around,
Those just trying to get their dreams off the fucking ground,
We can't see how little we have to do,
To make a soul believe that their hopes and dreams are true,
But it’s fine
I’m only dying on the inside,
I’m only honest to a fault,
unreceptive to your advice,
But its fine
I’m only exhausted with the climb,
I’m only exhausted with your words,
It’s only a matter of time,
Before i cross line
I’m wholly dependant on the perception of my peers,
My momentum is capped cause I’ve been pulling this weight for years,
And me talking about it, and tweeting about this,
Doesn’t change a thing,
so I put it down in lyrics that a cocky shit wouldn't sing,
I’m still just a kite lost in the wind,
Spinning down a suction, with no strength left to expend,
I’m learning that I can’t follow the advice of those who win,
Cause we may have the same job title,
But we are not kin,
I've been reaching out for a hand, and left to hang alone,
The only comfort I find is within the 4 walls of my home,
And the three bottles of dreams on my bedside table,
Are the pieces of the puzzle that helps my psyche keep the hold,
I'm not reaching for a savior, I'd just like to find a friend,
One who doesn't judge me for the lyrics I expend,
Just a soul who gets the struggle,
And an ear that I can bend,
A body to take some space and shield the candle from the wind
|
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10. |
Dissipating Zen
03:27
|
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I got a glitch in the matrix,
Want to be known but fear fame,
Want to take steps into the future,
Crossing bridges bearing flame,
But I’ll be backstepping out of the forest
thinking it’ll all turn out the same,
A coward of a hero, no glory to the name,
I want to take a journey out the homestead
Like Frodo from the shire,
Make First steps out of the Jupiter
Walk into the shadows from the fire
But I crawl back under blankets like I’m a child again,
seeing snow drifts in the wardrobe, And I'm not looking in,
I took a step from the Ordinary,
Answered a call,
But as i climb ever higher,
It’s just further to fall,
The greats have walked this path,
And found their way to stand tall,
But as I step beyond the threshold,
I can’t best them all,
And i know that what I've faced is only the trial,
The truest test is still yet to come,
I’ve only tasted a sip of what's in the vial
And I don't know if this is torture or fun
I can’t play pacifist when it comes to my art,
That’s why I keep being raring to go, but failing to start,
No matter if I’m in the zone, or coming apart,
I got to keep fighting on through if I want to depart,
in the journey, I'm two faced truth,
trying to be the hero of my story, I'm the villain of my youth,
Trying to play at ego, wear my label with pride,
I created the scenario in which my younger self would run and hide,
Cause it’s uncomfortable out here in this dingy spotlight,
And the weatherman said it would be better to stay inside,
But I'm caught in the tornado and it’s too late for fright,
I’m far from Kansas, and I've got to be ready to fly,
Can you be the rival of your own mind?
Lost in the obstacles you put in your own way,
Trapped in cages of thoughts destructive and unkind,
And all you want is to crawl out and face the day,
But the villain in your way wears your own face,
And you left all the weapons of your youth inside
All the vigor and resolve left without a trace,
In the cage made of the walls you raised in your mind,
Wrote myself as damaged again,
I'm Always playing the monk with dissipating Zen,
Some disturbed Saint, who lost themselves to sin,
But in truth it’s Simmons
who killed the Poet with the Pen,
And I'm losing my yang to the yin,
Philosophizing life while ranting to my kin,
Mocking purpose in the echoes of prophesizing men,
And yet I'm seeing myself lusting for the end,
|
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11. |
Hate Me
03:12
|
|||
Hate Me, Kill me,
I don't want to be me,
Dissonance over and over,
Chaos never ending,
No envy for the contest,
End me at the protest,
Poet with the hatchet,
In the street read for combat,
Suicide no bridal,
Death taunting no recital,
No verbiage found to be vital,
No courage, homicidal,
I'm only here for the backstab,
Dateline gun tag,
Competence with the comebacks,
No practice with the program,
I'm
Dying
Time
Running
Out
Hate me, fuck me,
No envy for the punk scene,
Screaming at the echo chamber,
No one saying anything,
No violence at the scumbags,
Racist fucking shit stains,
All gather at the concert,
Screaming at an empty stage,
No commonsense,
Listless at the premise,
Saying nonsense,
Hypocrites No self awareness,
Common chorus, no-one bares it,
It's all performance art at best,
Lest we bare some regrets,
Took tolerance for acceptance,
Ignorant to the protests,
And I'm not claiming righteous,
I'm time locked to my crisis,
I just need someone to fight this,
Punk rock Nazi propaganda,
Before I tap out,
Some one knock my lights out,
I'm tired of this contradiction,
Come take me to meet my religion
|
||||
12. |
OK
05:39
|
|||
Everything hurts but that's ok
I’ll live with this cancer until it goes away
And if it wont, I'll survive,
Or i won’t but it won’t hurt if I'm not alive
And this only hurts when i breathe
I’ll feel fine when this consciousness leaves
So call me a physician
For this tunnel vision
Cause i can only see where i belong
And when I close my eyes
I realize
How it would be
If I were gone
Hear me when I say I'm ok
Cause I'm sure this medicine
Will make it go away
And I'm telling you I'll be fine
Cause i can make believe
There’s no demons in my mind
Cause it’s only hell when i sleep
So this insomnia will keep me from the deep
Help me please
I'm falling down
It's everyday so I get it if you let me hit the ground
And I don't know,
If it's karmic law
But I suppose I can accept if it's all I got
It's shit of a plot,
I'm ok,
I can let you know,
If gravity is a bitch of a lover at 6 feet down
It's a hell of a sound
Posttraumatic artistic muse,
A spectrum of lyrical blues
Catch the color in the tone
I'd rather be alone,
I hate this face of stone,
Hate the wall I built around myself
I barricade in desperation,
Pain is my great expectation,
If my borderline is depression
And anxious solitary confinement,
How do I know what's contentment,
How do I know when i find alignment,
I'm fine when I'm blind to my slow decline,
Show my sign,
Halt the climb,
There's no grand design,
It's not ok, I'm just fine,
It's just the weight on my mind,
Dragging me down to bedrock
Where I'll sleep in the mess of mine,
Climb into the grave and take stock
Cause this only hurts when i choose breathe
So ill halt the airwaves and let this consciousness leaves
|
||||
13. |
Don't Save Me
04:01
|
|||
I'm a mind matted by meaningful lies,
And I'm scattered in pieces and Patterns to leave em in tatters,
And I'm
Nothing but verses, rhythms and curses,
Staccato Consonants controversial reverses,
I'm no lyrical matador,
Metaphorically I'm a door,
Nothing more,
I'm a portal to be used n ignored,
Just let me throw show to the wind,
Wind back and let's begin,
Scripted to the end,
I'm only a kid in pretend
Don't save me
I'm a mess
I keep daggers
In my chest
I find value
In my distress
I'm unbothered
I'm undressed,
No pained plea,
There's no test,
I can be,
More than this,
You just can't see,
I'm depressed,
Buts it's candy,
It's progress,
I'm Carpeted with runes
upon the house left in ruins
Left rusted binding in bedded,
I'm powered by songs unleaded,
I'm scheming with tomes of leather,
I'm teething on tales untethered,
Keeping meters far from measured,
So they lead me unto the treasure,
Call me invested in my distress,
I nest my value in the Vexed
I got a
Bin of bargains in my chest
I'm most rested in my unrest,
I'm putting purpose in demons,
I'm rather versed in these heathens,
I'm having lunch with the pastors,
While planning dinner with cretins,
I'm more Jesus than reverends,
They scheme with demons we rend
He leaves heaven in Zion,
I reach heaven by pretend,
So take the ladder to Vegas,
I'm scattered thoughts left in stasis,
It's just word vomit as I write this,
Leave me nauseous as I fight this,
It's lyrical combat with the man of my past,
Let's get past that lift the weight on my back,
Nobody has that, the verses I rap,
Are no precon, I'm beyond that,
|
||||
14. |
Taste the Spite
03:15
|
|||
I wear the bloody F upon my chest,
My Scarlet rune,
Letter maroon,
Call me names, compassion id bereft,
I sealed my tomb,
It'll be over soon
Every piece of me has an element of tragedy,
Heresy poured over me
And you can taste the spite,
Damnation is the perfect spice,
It's the flavor of this atheistic,
bisexual abomination,
Existing in this Christian nation
I'm a freak,
I'm a fuck,
I'm a faggot,
Free of faith
And this fucking muck,
It's fucking tragic,
That you give a shit,
Bout who has or hasn't
Asked God who they should fuck,
You fucking catholic,
And it's me,
I'm the problem,
Having issues,
And choose to solve them,
Our personal choices,
Are your hill to die on,
Crucify me on the mount of zion
Hang me high, reaching to the sky,
Upon the Stonewall
Judge me sinning,
Like the best of them all,
I'm in good company
No matter how I fall,
I'll land with people like me
And you can call God
To ask her who's at fault,
And the crowd nods,
At the madness Creeping up in the fraud,
At the damning of those beyond their walls,
In synch they fall
You're all small
|
||||
15. |
Perfectly Rent
03:40
|
|||
I never want to break like this again,
This doesn't mend
suspended by the wrists til you comprehend,
This cold corrosive consciousness killing all my kin,
glass tied to a rip chord ‘til I drop,
Lost to the world
But I'm not
Just a soul caught fallen in the mold
Boxed up and away rooted to the spot
In the dirt I will stay, head in the clouds as I rot
I’ve been damned
destitute and afraid,
Scammed by the institute
maimed by the day,
Deafened and mute,
blinded by flame,
hatred in suits
ignited by a name,
I’m broken to mend
Rent by the bending
Of my bones,
No ego to defend
Break me til you feel at home,
I'm perfectly Rent,
No notes,
No complaints,
Or contradictions,
I've cast me off this peak
By my own volition
So Gild me and hide these scars,
Fill me so I only break at bars,
Seal me so I can't speak
Or spill these secrets that I keep,
I see their face as I sleep,
Nighttime demons in the deep,
I've stitched me up so i won't miss,
No more crimson leaking from these lips,
Hallelujah,
Grace is sifted from this mess,
Tell me how could ya
Face your demons in your test?
I'm already through the
Maze you place me into
And raced and chased, out paced
The pain you put me through
Do you think you've had your fun,
Berating and breaking everyone,
Do you think you're the only one
Preaching a solitary interpretation
Weak willed and alone On a stage of your own creation
I admit I'm a little out of touch with your revelation,
Do I sound like your next pastime?
A person to place your hate into
I've already spent mine,
I took it in and breathed on through,
But you scream and shout judgment here,
Where only echoes and epitaphs greet your ears
And until you're brave enough to to face your fears,
You'll scar and mar those you're trying to speak to
And
I never want to break like this again,
This doesn't mend
suspended by the wrists til you comprehend,
This cold corrosive consciousness killing all my kin,
|
||||
16. |
Inspiration
05:48
|
|||
You are an inspiration,
You inspired me to go further than you,
My muse,
Providing the canvas to paint over the bruise You left on me,
An impression,
Less like a pattern, than a fist through drywall,
I fall
Through the barricades you laid to make me stay
But I remain determined to never let you have your way.
You can stay in the dirt where you lay,
You're dead to me,
You've been dead for years,
Tears dried up years ago,
There you go
Creeping into every lyric
But choosing not to ever hear it
Like a virus,
This torrential curse on me
This city still has the stink of you,
This memory still has you in views,
This is not new, you remain you
Unchanging you
A mountain of a mole hill,
It's a struggle,
You're like some cliff to climb,
Like some bouncer, wide and six foot nine,
I find no satisfaction defeating,
Just another scar your leaving,
I take this self beating like you taught me,
Place the nail into my hand as you cross me,
You stalk me, unconsciously,
Cause I do this to myself,
Constantly,
Is this growing up,
To build up walls like you and your father before you,
This memory becomes you,
Becomes just some tool to abuse,
All excused,
boys will be boys will be men will be products of the past, taught like a class,
To abuse until the last,
Son chooses to say
I will not turn into you,
I will not turn into you
I will not turn into you
My muse,
|
Pendrop Poet Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Non-Binary, Demi-male poet. Finding Catharsis in the prose. Deep personal lyrics meets unique musicianship over a decade of experiance.
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